


Coming Home.

by totalcontrol



Category: The L Word (TV 2004), The L Word: Generation Q (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Pain, Soulmates, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totalcontrol/pseuds/totalcontrol
Summary: A different turn of events of when Tina tells Bette about the engagement in 107 of generation q.
Relationships: Tina Kennard/Bette Porter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	Coming Home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of an idea that sparked when Tina said "Bette..." during their dinner in 107. I just had a lot of feelings.  
> The story will be divided in three chapters, I haven't written them all yet, but I hope to update soon! This first chapter starts off very canon based and diverges at a certain point; from then on it will all be different. Do let me know if you enjoyed it!

Everything had shifted the moment Bette opened the door to find Tina on the other side. She had been so focused on the campaign setback that she’d actually forgotten about Tina for a few fleeting moments; a momentary illusion of relief. Standing there on her doorstep exactly when she needed her most, backlit by the sunlight, Tina looked like an angel. Disbelief spread over Bette and exploded at her eyes as her breath came to a halt and she whispered, “Tina?”.  
  
From the moment Tina had temporarily walked back into her life, everything inside Bette had reawakened. Tina had come to support her and Bette didn’t give herself a moment to be still, to question anyone’s intentions; there was no time to think and ponder on emotional practicalities when her whole body screamed only for her to mindlessly relish every moment.

They tried to be cautious and tread carefully around the past, trying not to cross a line, yet every time they find themselves alone and brush against a wound, a current breaks in and floods the room with all their history and, for a moment, it’s like they’ve never been apart. Bette didn’t know what any of it meant; Tina asking about Felicity; Tina roaming back to their relationship problems that had been buried long ago; Tina telling her she loved her; Tina pulling her in for a familiar embrace; Tina staying when she asked her to; Tina inviting her for dinner. It all served to rekindle a certain magic, the one that had always existed between the two of them. It didn’t take long for it to grow and make itself known through the way that they looked at each other; the way that there was always a certain linger that existed purposefully to create a space for a tender exchange of information the two of them weren’t even conscious of.

Bette was living off of this magic ecstatically, it was her own personal adrenaline. There was no time to question the way she felt. The euphoria had captured her in such an illusionary state of elation that no one could bring her back down from it. No one but Tina herself. 

As Bette prepared a special dinner for them, she tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach and the hasty speed of her heart. She couldn’t help but keep smiling at the fact that the love of her life was sitting just in the other room waiting for her. The way that she had felt when she’d heard Carrie and Tina talk on the phone the previous day didn’t matter anymore; the extent to which the pain that had taken over her body had made her feel sick had been forgotten; buried. All that mattered was that she was there, and if she was there at Bette’s request, her hope had the encouragement it needed to grow and prosper.

It had never occurred to her that this blinding strategy would be to blame for what happened next. Tina told her that she was moving back to LA so she could be closer to Angelica. Bette’s body tensed and she tried not to show how the hope she’d been secretly nourishing had flourished near its peak. She attempted to take a breath and calmly suggest that Tina move to the spare room in the house whilst she looked for a place of her own. At this, something dropped from Tina’s face. Bette asked herself for an instant if she’d made a mistake in her suggestion; insecurities quietly crawling up the back of her mind. Yet something told her in the way Tina hesitated that it was much more than that; the silence was deadly. The way Tina struggled to get the words out arose in Bette a sort of dreadful warning that she tried her best to ignore. Tina took a moment of stillness and fixed her stare on Bette’s; her eyes seemed to plead for some sort of rescue, yet Bette felt clueless, lost, scared, hopeful. 

“Carrie asked me to marry her.” The words took everything away from Bette. All she had hoped for, gone. The weight that had always been there, laying upon her chest, had fully sunk; she felt lifeless. However, amidst the grief, a taste of hope had somehow survived. Bette waited. _You said no. Please tell me you said no,_ her eyes begged. 

“And I said yes.”

There was not a chance Bette would let herself be washed away by whatever twisted feeling was threatening to shatter her, so she smiled. She tried to push it all down, fight it, yet the anguish was overflowing, bursting at her every wound. She couldn’t hear anything; not her own response, not Tina’s. She wanted to run away. She stood up, but soon realised she couldn’t just leave. She grabbed another bottle of wine and sat back down, uselessly trying to drown the sorrow by filling up another glass, and still she couldn’t hear a thing, it was futile to attempt to process any words. Chaos reigned in her mind as she attempted to bury every feeling away, until she heard Tina say her name.

“Bette…” It sounded like home; like an invitation to fall apart in her arms. Bette was one step away from giving in, yet she didn’t want to give Tina the satisfaction; she didn’t think it fair that Tina got to be both the cause and solace of her pain. But the look Tina gave her was assuring her that it was safe to cut the wound open, to let the river flow. And so she did. She gave up her self control as everything inside her screamed to be held. 

What came next felt like an explosion. With her elbows supported on the table, Bette put her hands to her head and let herself cry. Between uncontrollable sobs, the regret of allowing herself to be this vulnerable in front of Tina in this moment started to flare up, but once she noticed Tina standing beside her, reaching her hand to Bette’s shoulder, the regret quickly weakened, fully vanishing once Tina moved her hand softly to her hair, dragging it out of her face and comforting her. From the moment she felt the touch there was nothing left to do but to purely surrender to it. She gathered some of her strength and turned around slowly, brushing her lips softly against Tina’s palm. She looked up at her helplessly with tears in her eyes. The look Tina shot back at her scared her. It was like she was at war with herself; like she had just caught up with her feelings and they were nothing like she thought they’d be. Between Tina’s turmoil, Bette felt she’d noticed an underlying desire, one that implied giving in just as much as she had. 

As if an unnamed force was guiding her, Bette slowly stood up, softly wrapping her hand around Tina’s. They were but a step apart and they moved their hands in a gentle dance. Nothing could ever come in between their gaze. There was nothing left for Tina to say, Bette knew exactly what she was telling her. _I know what you are feeling. I’m lost. I don’t know what to do._

Bette breathed in, a sad smiled took over her face as tears fell freely down her cheeks, “I just want you to be happy.”, she slowly nodded up and down, as if to remind herself that Tina’s happiness was her priority, “You’re… you’re really lucky that you have Carrie”.

“Yeah… I really am.” Tina replied in a whisper, yet it seemed she wasn’t listening to her own words. She took a strand of Bette’s curls and locked it behind her ear. They stayed like that for a moment, taking each other in. Tina then moved her hand to Bette’s face and wiped away the tears with her thumb. Bette felt as if she was paralysed; all that she could do was stand in front of her, watch her every move, breathe it in, let it happen to her. 

She felt Tina getting closer to her; the war and the guilt that had flooded Tina’s eyes just a moment ago had now taken the backseat, making room for her desire to take over the spotlight. Bette could feel the warmth of Tina’s body growing nearer. Her mind was immediately consumed with the thought of kissing Tina again. It released in her something potent; otherworldly. She felt all the years she had lived with this woman run through her body; she felt all forms of immeasurable love she had ever devoted to her all at once. _That_ was the nameless force that led her to step away once Tina’s lips were about to touch hers. 

Bette was taken aback by her own reaction. Never in a million years would she have not given everything in her power to touch Tina like that again, and yet something had made her step away. 

She looked at Tina and saw her own confusion replicate hers, but it didn’t take long for Bette to realise what had happened.

With her hand still wrapped around Tina’s, she brought it to her lips and planted a tender kiss on her palm. She looked Tina in the eyes as she spoke, her voice low and weak, “I will always only want you… But if we ever did this, we’d have to do it right.” Bette’s eyes watered once more, the sad smile came back, but this time it was accompanied by a newly found wisdom, “I don’t want you to cheat on Carrie. I can’t give in and not know what this will mean for us, or if it will mean anything at all.” She released Tina’s hand and moved the golden strand of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. Bette knew Tina’s expression would only show confusion; she was lost. “You need to find what it is you want, Tina… Because I, too, need to know what I’m doing.”


End file.
